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Theories about stimming

Whatever you want to call them — stims, repetitive behaviors, stereotypies — the terms are more-or-less interchangeable, but it remains that they are of importance in how we think about autism. The repetitive behavior/restricted interests domain is essential to an autism diagnosis. Autistic people, when asked, mostly seem to believe this is an important part … Read More

Dreams & Interpretations (part 1)

I didn’t used to have a lot of dreams. Over the past few years, I’ve starting having more, some of them very vivid and strange. In this series of blog posts I’m going to attempt to find common themes within these dreams. I’m not analyzing them in the psychoanalytic sense; I’m merely looking at the … Read More

I’m lucky to have my bipolar disorder

There are times that I’ve felt cursed by having ultra-rapid-cycling, somewhat-atypically-presenting bipolar 1 disorder. My mood episodes are short (sometimes as short as one day, although usually lasting a few days to a week) and they can be very intense. I also suffer from mixed episodes, which are agonizingly painful to experience, and at times … Read More

What is the goal of psychiatric medication?

The goal of medication isn’t to make everyone neurotypical. That would be boring as fuck. — Dr. Coats (my psychiatrist) Different psychiatrists no doubt have different philosophies about the point of psychiatric medication, and different patients have their own goals for treatment which naturally vary. To some people, bipolar disorder is a gift to be … Read More

Was Vincent van Gogh autistic?

There’s no doubt in my mind that Van Gogh had bipolar disorder. He had many symptoms related to bipolar disorder: manic episodes, depressive episodes, hallucinations, sleep disturbance, substance abuse, memory problems, nightmares, and anxiety, to name a few from his asylum files. Yet, additional diagnostic labels could help to clarify his overall presentation. One diagnosis … Read More

What do mixed episodes feel like?

For me, mixed episodes are the worst part of my bipolar disorder. It’s hard for people without bipolar disorder to comprehend how it could be that you feel mania and depression at the same time. It doesn’t have to be simultaneous, per se — it could just be very quickly alternating — but for me … Read More

Memory in bipolar disorder

People with bipolar disorder commonly have memory problems. This is actually something I’ve been doing research about as a PhD student at UCLA. Not only that, it’s something I struggle with myself. There are two main categories of memory problems in bipolar disorder: problems that are associated with a mood episode, and problems that exist … Read More

My medication history

I have a long and arduous history with medications. Sometimes, it takes quite some time to strike the right balance with meds and bipolar disorder. This is my own personal review of each medication I’ve been on. There’s a lot! My reviews won’t necessarily be applicable to other people because each person’s response to a … Read More

Should I be afraid to take lithium?

Lithium has a reputation. When I was first prescribed it, I felt a sense of fear and also — somehow — a sense of achievement, like I had won the lottery for crazy. When you hear about lithium, it’s often to stress that it is only for those top shelf mental illnesses; and it is … Read More

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